How Shame Affects Mental Health and How to Overcome It
“ The greatest measure of Courage is the willingness to be vulnerable.”
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What is Shame?
What do we know about shame? Shame is more than a feeling, Shame is that voice that tells us we don't belong, that we are not good enough, and at all costs we must hide this from others.
We know that individuals harbouring shame are at higher risk of anxiety, depression and an overall decrease in quality of life as one unconsciously limits their own potential out of fear of making themselves vulnerable.
Shame is self judgement, shame is silence, shame is secrecy, all out of fear we will lose connection with others if people see our flaws.
How Shame Impacts Mental Health
One of the biggest emotional contributors to mental health decline in today's society is shame. To further explore its nature, shame is harbouring the feeling that we are not inherently worthy of connection or love, and the false core belief that displaying vulnerability is weakness that will result in rejection.
Shame is the focus on the self not our actions. Shame embeds itself deep within us and whenever we contemplate trying something new or forming connections with others, shame is what tells us it won't work out because you're not enough.
We all want to connect with others, pursue our dreams, find where we belong, succeed in our endeavors, but something deep down always prevents us from trying or even feeling good about it.
One of the most common patterns I see in clients is a persistent worry in regard to their ability to handle a situation. The prevalent themes on a psychological level are rumination, low self-efficacy, an external locus of control, avoidance, and or high self-judgement. These have debilitating effects on our quality of life and our ability to form meaningful emotional connections with others.
Brene Brown highlighted that the most accurate measure of courage is the willingness to be vulnerable. Shame is an unwillingness to be vulnerable and by extension an inability to take risks, make yourself vulnerable and be courageous, which are the hallmarks of development, growth, and success.
What shame looks like in life can be perfectionism, People pleasing, sacrificing authenticity to fit in instead of finding where you belong and where you can be yourself. The pattern is sacrifice of one's individual identity to ineffectively and desperately seek approval, or the denial or refusal of actualising one's potential.
How Counselling Helps to Understand and Work with Shame
The cure to shame is self-compassion and the receiving of empathy from another. The goal is not to eliminate shame but understand its personal meaning and develop a more compassionate relationship with it.
Shame utilises 3 catalysts in order to thrive, judgement, secrecy, and silence. When confronted with shame if you engage in these catalysts, it affects every part of our lives.
The main components of Self Compassion
Self-Kindness
Easier said than done. Being gentle and understanding towards ourselves in the face of setbacks or feeling inadequate. Self-Kindness in the face of painful experiences requires acceptance, and even gratitude at our imperfections, and recognition that life's hardships are inevitable and allow reflection, growth and appreciation for what is achieved.
Common humanity
While shame tells us to hide the parts of ourselves we don't like, common humanity is the recognition that what we are going through is a shared human experience, we are not alone in our struggle.
Mindfulness
An introspective practice which involves directing our attention purposefully and in a non-judgmental manner. monitoring our thoughts and feelings allows us to view our negative states with acceptance, kindness, and adopt cognitive defusion.
Now what do these look like in practice? The four elements of shame resilience. These elements help us develop resilience when shame tries to weigh in on our appraisal of self.
Recognising shame when it appears and understanding its triggers.
Practising critical awareness
Reaching out to someone
Speaking of shame.
In the end Shame takes our lives in a very different direction. What would your life look like if you were not motivated by shame but instead motivated by courage in the face of vulnerability?
How to Overcome Shame Through Counseling
At Activ8 Mind, we understand that shame can have a toll on your mental health, relationships, and your daily lives. Our counselling services in Adelaide and Melbourne are personalised and specifically designed to help individuals confront and overcome shame, empowering them to overcome shame and have the courage to learn new skills and socialise.
Here’s how we support you in the healing process:
Safe Space for Vulnerability
Shame thrives in secrecy and silence, but at Activ8 Mind, our professionals provide a compassionate and non-judgmental environment where you can safely express your feelings, fears and worries. Our therapists work with you to find out the main root causes of your shame and understand how it influences your life and your family.
Developing Self-Compassion
One of the most powerful tools we use in our counselling sessions is focusing on self-compassion. By guiding you through practices of self-kindness, mindfulness, and common humanity, we will help you develop a more positive relationship with yourself, be proud of yourself and allow you to embrace imperfections and view challenges as opportunities for growth and creativity.
Addressing the Catalysts of Shame
Shame often feeds on judgement, secrecy, and silence. Our counsellors in Adelaide and Melbourne will help you recognize these patterns in your life and provide strategies to address them. Through open communication and self-awareness, we work together to break the cycle of shame and promote healing.
Building Shame Resilience
We empower you with the tools to develop resilience against shame. Our therapy sessions focus on teaching you the four key elements of shame resilience: recognizing shame and its triggers, practising critical awareness, reaching out for support, and speaking openly about shame. These tools help you manage and overcome shame in everyday life.
Supporting Your Personal Growth Journey
At Activ8 Mind, we believe that overcoming shame is essential for personal growth and success. Through our counselling approach, you’ll gain the confidence to embrace vulnerability, take risks, and pursue your dreams without fear of judgement or rejection. We are here to support you as you step into a more authentic, courageous version of yourself.
If you're ready to break free from the grip of shame and embrace personal growth, contact Activ8 Mind today to begin your journey toward healing and transformation. Schedule a consultation with our resident psychologists, PBS practitioners and social workers in Adelaide and Melbourne.
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